Inner Circle Report: Birthdays

First up: David

DAMN, you OLD now Letroy! Good thing your mom doesn't have a mere crease much less a wrinkle. I mean look at your blackass. You tan into another race and not one tiny crows foot. I predict graceful aging for you my friend.

Sephardic Jews are lucky because their swarthy, olive-oil infused skin has learned to withstand thousands of years under the sun as merchants on the Iberian Peninsula. An Ashkenazi Jew, on the other hand, will age into a blue-tinged sack of potatoes. Note to all possible future boyfriends: I will not suffer from this race-wide affliction. I know because I watch my mother like a hawk.

Moving along, I organized a last minute birthday party at David's favorite bar in all of Manhattan: 2A. I think he likes it because its the closest bar to his house and its never a scene. Once the kids with creative sunglasses discover a bar it turns into a sack of shit. Other East Village dives you can hide in include the Cherry Tavern, Doc Holiday's and the Tile Bar. The Magician sucks too, so you and your pals can enjoy pint-sharing without being forced to read ironically t-shirted tits. That's OUR job, thank you! (see below)

Look at that happy birthday face! And those ironically t-shirted tits!

Gavin is David's mancrush

Carrie and Miriam both live in the same building as David. Way back when America's Next Top Model was new and exciting trashy television, we'd have ANTM parties at David's on his poker night. More like chick chat sesh night! On a side note, Carrie has THE BEST parties. Most recently she had an Ice Cream Social, which is the best vibe ever.

Derrick Beckles

Jeff married my friend Heather. She's a fucking HILARIOUS comedian who has this disgusting joke about how her mom discovered her bald spot when they were spooning one night. Heather Lawless- check her out on the Googles. Anyhow, I wish I had a picture of them together so you could see how cute they are. They got married in the Smoky Mountains. I missed the wedding because I was on tour which I'm still bummed about it.

Awkward, terrible photo of Zach Galifanakis. You may know him from his work, like being the funniest human being on earth and being the most hilarious person in the entire world.

Demetri blurbed the back of my book! Thanks Demetri! Oh PS- he's about to be the lead in the new Ang Lee movie. You should probably try to be his girlfriend now, before he gets famous (he has a girlfriend at present, so don't tell her what I said, theenks).

There were tons of people at David's birthday and 99% of them were funny Jews, but I wasn't in the blogging mood so those are pretty much all the pics I took that night.

Next up: Ramona

After David's we went to Ramona's birthday party down the street, where there were infinity people. Ramona is my only close friend who is EXTREMELY popular. This means I can't go anywhere with her without being stopped every two minutes by one of her fans, and all meals include her head being buried in her Blackberry which pings every 30 seconds. The upside is that in between all that shit she'll look at you and either say something that you'll want to start saying from then on, or she'll complain about someone in a way that makes you wee yourself laughing. Its all fun with Mones, but the thing I love about her most is that she's really a loyal and true friend to her close few. More on her birthday later.

Next up: Gemma

After Ramona's jam we went to Gemma's birthday party, which was also a RAGER. It was in the Financial District at this Chinese Banquet Hall called The China Chalet. Pretty much the coolest place I've been to since Paradise Vacations closed. Remember that spot, New York? Gemma's theme was a pink party.

Jazz piano bar with formal cocktails in the front

Raging dance party with excellent jams in the back

You can't make fun of a costume. Its not funny.

Ended the night at Lit where it smells not okay
Free Simon

Oh my! Look how cute Jack looks in this picture! Doesn't he look like one of little pantomime dolls with the porcelain faces and the silk bodies? You little peanut. His website The Skullset is linked on this site under The Young and The Restless. Jack takes beautiful photos of everyone but me. Theeeenks Jack!

Another long entry by Aviva Yael

PS- I'm going to be on MTV Live today. If I get a clip I'll post it. Later dudes! Call the vets in your family if you have any. Thank them for serving, even if you don't support the armed services. And say hi to the sailors that are here for Fleet Week if you're in New York, poor things.