Reasons I wont see Sex & The City

Is Kim Cattrall holding her face up?

1. "Frothy as a Margarita and just as salty, Sex and the City all but mambos its way onto the screen." - Philadelphia Inquirer

2. Fear of turning into a Samantha/Carrie/Miranda/Charlotte pumpkin in a few short years. Not in the mood to look into a 10 year mirror (if everything in my life goes wrong).

3. Do I have two hours to spend absorbing cringe-inducing jokes written by a round table of bon-bon popping depressed divorcees, Oprah viewers, trannies, and Jewish comedians in their early forties?

4. Wrinkled cleavage shots.

5. Reports of a gratuitous sex scene involving Miranda (gulp). "Atrocious" and "hideous viewing" were in a first hand account.

6. SATC is the sole reason women aren't allowed to hangout in fours, ever. Totally off limits for evermore, so as to avoid looking like a quartet of desperate man-eating tigers.

7. Is Hammerskank a word?

8. Thanks to this show, I have to hear people order Apple-Lavender-Choco-Mango- Lycheetinis. Also the reason that we had to live with Cosmo "cookbooks" for the last eight years. This is basically the Swingers for chicks.**

9. Why did they make this into a movie? Is the movie going to be as unbelievable, haggard and unfunny as the show?

10. Its totally okay that women over forty who have lived through a divorce suddenly think they're in Sex and the City and are totally fierce now (god bless their broken hearts). What's not okay is that we have to hear them cackle over sex talk at brunch just because they do it on the show.

**Ted always cites Vince Vaughn's character in Swingers as responsible for creating a bunch of over-the-top douchebags who still say "you're so money" to each other and talk about strategy at bars. Don't believe me? Try bartending.