Grow up Heather, bulimia's so '87.


Me, vomming.


I ate like a pregnant sow on Thanksgiving then launched abruptly into starvation, as I am now officially on day four of The Master Cleanse. Let me tell you: it hurts. Headaches, tummy aches, back pain, dehydration. You'll live in fear of kidney failure every moment you don't have a water bottle suctioned to your lips. Exhaustion and deprivation are your only emotions for the first two days and your sense of smell becomes acute, making a simple stroll home at night absolute torture. I watched my friends hork down a Babycakes spread for Chris' birthday at some delicious new beerhole in the West Village, which was tuff enuff. Then the entire walk home was like getting flicked in the back of the head by all the delicious food vendors. Eff you Belgian waffle truck. Die away from me 4am falafel dude. I broke down and ate some cabbage soup at Veselka last night and now my internal organs are staging a revolution. Might die.

I spent most of my weekend in the bathroom peeing every five minutes. Right around the 16th pee I started to wonder what autism feels like. I'm literally SICK of going to the bathroom. The M.C. is a tiny prison!

I felt awesome when I got to work yesterday- light, clean, kinda pretty even. Then by 5pm I wanted to stab. Its hawod and I dont wanna do it anymowah.

Since there is nothing left to do on a cleanse (other than feel guilty for having a vanity starve while there are homeless roaming the subways in the underworld below) I took to reading, napping mid-day, walking with friends in the park like an old lady, and watching movies in the morning. Gross right? Is there anything more hopeless than watching TV on a sunny day?

List of accomplishments below:

DVDs watched
+ Wholpin 3 and 6
+ Edited Shorts of Jan Svankmeyer Pts I & II
- Lagerfeld Confidential

Movies seen

+ Milk
+ Man on Wire
+ Synedoche
- Four Christmases

Terms for vomming
+ Upchuck
+ Ralph
+ Spew
- Kiss the porcelain god
++ Hurl contents
+ Fubar, fubes, fubing
+ Chunk, chunking, ride the chunking express
++ De-food
+ urp, vurp, yarf, blarf

Cleansing is snooooooo bnooooring. I'm bored.