Ask Veevers #1

Hello fans. I love you. Anyhow, this is the very first edition of Ask Veevers. I am a licensed psychotherapist who will use the techniques I learned while attending Oxford's Neurodevelopmental Magnetoencephalography program. If I can help save just one life... Send me your problems.

Hello Aviva,

Allow me, first, to tell you how much I enjoy your blog. It turned me on to Ask Yasi, Stuff White People Like, and White Lightning, which are all gems. I am going on a trip to look at grad schools with a friend and I was hoping you could perhaps offer me a bit of advice. You've identified many a pitfall that even the seasoned San Fran native could inadvertently (or advertently) succumb to with regard to recreational time well spent. That said, my question is this:

If you only had 2 1/2 days in San Francisco, what are the top 3, must-do things you would do?


Brian W.

Hi Brian!

You’ve obviously read my posts about how I believe that San Francisco is where penises go to die, and I appreciate that. I’ve decided to look past my HBA (Hot Burning Anger) toward the City of Pleated Khakis and throw you a silver lining. You asked for three must-do’s, but the City of Self-Righteous Clay People happens to be home to some of the most delicious food, best dive bars, and inexplicable natural beauty in the world. Although you will inevitably have to leave your boy parts there after talking Obamanomics with tatted up sea hags and men who have the manliness of my vagina, here are my recommendations:

1) EATING – Tulan on 5th and Mission is a shithole, but its the best Vietnamese food you will ever eat, ever. Yuet Lee has the best Chinese food after 9pm (order the calamari, you'll die). Yank Sing has the best fancy Dim Sum in the world. It’s in a financial building but it’s so good you won’t care. And of course since you have to eat Mexican food while out West, the best burritos are in the Mission at Poncho Villa and La Taqueria. There's been an ongoing debate for 15 years about which one is the best so either one will be good.

2) DRINKING - Thurs night at Jack’s in the way outer Mission has the greatest karaoke the world has ever seen. DJ Purple, the scrawny 38-yr old host not only sings your backup vocals, he plays the sax during the bridge and outtros. I personally love the dives of the Tenderloin like The Owl Bar, the High Tide, and the Hemlock. Also the skater bar hang out with decent chicks (but not really) would be Pops. Best Mission dive overall is the 500 Club. Also, its really easy to have sex with people, but you might have to listen to them talk about renewable energy and when the next Widespread Panic show is happening. Tip: tell them you’re a fashion photographer from New York and you’ve got a key to the City.

3) MUSEUMS – The Academy of Science is a must-see for the 'green' futuristic architecture, but the DeYoung is AMAZING. It beats out half of New York's museums, no joke. I saw the YSL Retrospective there which was amaze, and there is an 80’s room in the permanent collection. Plus there's a view up top that overlooks the Golden Gate Bridge, Presidio, and park. It’s kind of fucking breathtaking.

One more thing: shopping. Don't do this. It’s pointless unless you want clothing for people with front butts or comfy shoes.

Good luck and God Bless your Christian soul.