Book tour: New York

In case you're new to my blog, I wrote a book that came out in the summer. It's really dumb and belongs on top of your toilet. It's called No Regrets LA LA LA I'm tired of talking about it, but all you need to know is that David Cross wrote the Foreword (so college guys will buy my book) and Demetri Martin, Eugene Mirman, Michael Showalter , Lesley Arfin, and Nick Zarin-Ackerman from The Virgins blurbed the back cover. Thanks dudes!



Before you look at these photos, please note that it was EXTREMELY hot and packed at Fuse Gallery. The door guy said there were 200 people there. It was kind of brutal (yet awesome and fun and humbling!) We were all a hot, sweaty mess:



Leo Fitzy DJ'd. That's Foss and Merks with him too. Meryl call me back dude!

Kuo DJd too, of course. I miss him. We told racist jokes on Christmas Eve last year. Relax- we picked on Cajuns and French people.

My inner circle: Michelle Zacks and Danielle Levitt. These girls are all legs all the time.


Danielle and Asha (we went to Thai kickboxing camp together)

Carlen (comedy bud)

Glen and Beverly (thrifting buds)

Cindy Greene (mentor bud)

Adrea (cool bag having bud)

Danny is majorly cute.

Signing cute Danny's book

May and Alecia

My old school bud Sarah Egan and Sameena!

Sarah xx tell Chris I say hi.

Carrie is an inner circle bestie. We just had dinner in LA and it made me want to move back to New York. On the other hand, she caught me up on ALL YALL'S scandalous L.E.S. gossip. Things do not change! You're all a bunch of social climbing, starfucking artfaggy spoiled brats who are all up your own asses... but I miss you.

This is Promise (Free Simon in the back). When I first started managing the Vice stores 8000 fucking years ago she told me that there was a customer who used to terrorize the females that worked there by touching his weens in the dressing room. I figured she was lying just to mess with me, so when he finally came in I decided to put an end to the rumors. I walked back there, opened the curtain, stared straight at his boyparts without even a humane gesture of eye contact and guess what? He was totally NOT doin it.

Disappointing. I perversely wanted to catch him, even though the actual site of seeing someone masturbate in a public place is so vile and disgusting it makes my heart hurt. I was the one who ended up terrorizing some nice normal, normynorms guy for no reason. Dude left mad and never came back to the store OF COURSE. The Mad Masturbator = 1, Veevers = 0. So no sex busts for me, but if its any consolation I DID walk in on Dash Snow making fake babies with his girlfriend when he was supposed to be plastering our dressing rooms with his Polaroids. Escandalo!

Hot Mollie


Oh look its one of my besties Maya Hayuk and her funny boyfriend Mike. They are card carrying members of my Dinner Club, which I'm starting up in LA now.


Barry and Lesley "the Arfinator" Arfin

Beverly Hames aka Battletits (from Battletorn, get it?)

Alex Daniel

Horsey

Carlo McCormick from Paper Mag. Thanks for the press!

This is Max, who sat next to me at Inc Magazine. He is one of the smartest, funniest, and best writers I know. It was a pleasure sitting next to him every day. He'd explain the inner workings of the bailouts and the housing crisis, and I'd tell him who Neckface was and which art opening parties to go to.


The Twins looking bummed: Nicole and Jen


Mark and Hot Stephanie!



I met fans, autographed books, and signed boobs:
This is Wyatt and my GIANT FAT burrito sized arm. The good news about my arms is that moving to LA, running every day, joining Crunch (ew), getting a personal trainer and eating like a rabbit has made my batwings into black girl arms. Okay not really, but I'm working on it. And I did lose almost 20 pounds so... so what the hell am I talking about? Oh yeah- I'm not fat anymore and I like to refer to my new arms as Mancatchers. Just kidding! But seriously, guys like me 10,000 times more out here than they did in New York. What does that mean? You tell me.

Lots of fans of the book showed up to display their tattoos:


Highlight of the night:




And this was on his tushy:


Vice crew

HOW FUCKING HILARIOUS IS THIS?



Wasted me, wasted Ben, wasted Alex

photos by Danielle Levitt and Mediabistro.com