Oh good I'm racist now






Caught myself being racist today. Not like hate crime racist, but racist nonetheless. It's not like I went out and bought David Duke's manifesto or called someone a meano name. It's probably much worse actually. I caught myself practicing a subtler, gentler, lazier kind of ignorance. You know the kind. It's what we whiteys think about but never mention to anyone out loud so people don't think we're assholes.

We all have private thoughts about how French people are up their own asses and Armenian guys are douchebags, Persian girls are spoiled and JAPS are sluts. But we don't say them out loud. Mostly because it's mean and unfair and we know it's just a passing thought. We're not going to go out and stab anyone because of stereotypes. Plus, we all know the people listed above and if we hate them it's probably because they suck, not because of their heritage or whatever.

Anyhow, here's my ignorant mess. I was talking to my friend Blogn**ger today and the thought crossed my mind to ask him if he's friends with T.A.N. (The Assimilated Negro). I didn't ask, but I thought the thought. Problem lies in that if they were white I wouldn't assume they know each other. Thought wouldn't have even crossed my mind. Blogn**ger is half Jewish, but I didn't think to ask him if he's buds with Eugene Mirman.

It probably has somewhat to do with simple numbers. There are scant ratios of black Pop Culture writers. And they both happen to write for the two sites I check every day ritualistically (1, 2). Nonetheless, I've never once considered Jim Goad might be friends with Richard Lawson who both write for the same websites as BN and TAN. Feel like a huge jerk about this.

Why did my brain go there? Is it because they're both black? Black bloggers? Is it because they're both hilarious, intelligent and make cogent arguments that are forty hundred times more articulate than anything I can deliver? Maybe it's because they both have huge followings of white college kids who wish we could say the same things they do but can't because we're stuck being white-n-polite.

Who knows. I just know that it's totally untotally for me to assume that they might be friends.

I want as much as you do for this to have a happy ending but when one* discovers their inner demons it takes time to sort them out until said one's brain no longer opts to take the path of least resistance - in this case racist thought - by nature. This is called trying to be a better person, and I thought I was doing pretty well with the whole kind, fair, and educated thing... until now. Worst part is, I respect these dudes and feel kind of bad about myself. So sorry Blogn**ger and Assimilated Negro.

Now please change your names immediately so I can be more comfy. Theenks!

*a moron