How to not get yourself on Jimmy Fallon's show


Ford's new marketing campaign for the Fiesta consists of getting a bunch of decent-looking kids to drive their car for 6 months and blog about how it works wonders in their presumably cool, fun lives. Let's take a look at some of the "agents" they've given free cars to:


Hey Parris (spelling is correct), Sebastian and "S" (spelling is correct)! You guys are KILLING it! LYL - Love Your Look. You go gurrrrrl!

Sexy. Sultry. Captivating. MySpace.

Beanies with bills are to conscious hip hop what Mark Farina is to Acid Jazz. (That sentence was pretty rough on me).

You look nice, I'd be friends with you, you jolly lil feller!

Some chick named Jill wants to get on the Jimmy Fallon show by TWITTERING her way on. She has created a YouTube video, pleaing for the internet to collectively tweet at Jimmy to put her on the show to promote her god damn stupid Ford Fiesta blog. Sounds reasonable.

Here's Jill:


Being that Jimmy is in the early stages of becoming an American icon along with other late nighters like Jay, Conan, and Dave, my guess is that Jimmy's Twitter account is monitored for appropriate behavior and non-disclosures about the show by NBC harder than Mumia Abu Jamal's FBI files.

My other guess is that since Jimmy has 991,689 followers and he only follows 100 personal friends, he's most likely not reading his @tweets from the nearly million people who could potentially send him kudos, jeers, love notes, links, or any other kind of message. I came to these conclusions using simple math involving ratios.

My final, final guess is that no talent booker at a late night show would accord an absolutely random, hired blogger to appear on their show to promote a car company. But Jill (who is very pretty and seems nice, if not for the missing frontal lobe of her brain) believes otherwise. Let's take a look at her pitch, shall we?


GOODFERYOOOOOUUUUU! (Cartman's voice)


Oh my god they have so much in common! They both live in New York and they both LOVE Twitter! You know what Jill? You're right. What more could we ask for? Well I'll tell you. We could ask for a five minute conversation about your car blog to be streamed into our bedrooms at 12:30am. Riveting.

Jill from Astoria's contractual obligation to "lifestream" (gagbarf) her Ford-delegated missions, if done properly, will sell at least no cars! Her first mission is to take someone to the ocean who has never been and take pictures of it. Nebraskan babies, watch your backs and your mothers' backs. There's a hellcat a-tearing through town soon whose gonna show you a little somethin' called LIFE.

Here it is:

JILL'S JENIUS PROFILE

Well Jill, thanks for your pitch. You've come to the right place. We are a powerful bunch, us Interneters. Asking us to take 14 seconds of our lives to Twitter @JimmyFallon to see if a collective push will get you on the televisions is a fun task-slash-favor and will obviously result in success. I mean, that's how it works, right? Don't worry about all the musicians, actors, authors, and people who have worked their buns off for a little bit of success. No no, it's all about YOU girl! We GOTCH you. Fingers crossed!

Love,

The World