The Internet Will Take The Pain Away

Like most people, you probably have a place deep inside where you go to escape the toil of daily life. A place where you can wash off the mental detritus of your day. A safe place, if you will. 



Perhaps you have a mantra you like to practice, or more likely, you quietly emote in the darkness and solitude of your decrepit apartment. Whatever your coping method may be, let me suggest a few places you can go to decompress and become one with your inner Banyan tree:


1) 3 IS THE MAGIC NUMBER a la SCHOOLHOUSE ROCKS


This video is such a happytimesgoodvibe that it is impossible to watch it without a) wishing you were wee in the 1970's so that this could be your Saturday morning cartoon b) humming this song ALL DAY LONG. Also, the first ever accidental Rap Group For White Hippies aka De La Soul sampled it and made a late-80s CROSSOVER JAM for the centuries.


OMMMM


2) WEEBLE-WOBBLES


Wait are you serious? You don't have a family of Weeble-Wobbles lining your desk/windowsill/car dashboard? I guess you don't enjoy JOY. Their slogan is the most inspirational sentence in human history: "WEEBLES WOBBLE BUT THEY DON'T FALL DOWN." HELL-O AND THANK YOU, Hasbro marketing team.

Whenever I get harshed out first thing in the morning by the stench wafting from my neighbor's piles of HOARDED GARBAGE, I look at myself in the mirror and say, "Aviva, you may weeble and you may wobble, but in this lifetime girlfriend, you will never fall down." Then I snap in a Z-formation, put on my gas mask, get into my Weehicle and drive to work at the Wegetable Stand. Let's all move to Weebleville and attend Saturday night Barn Dances.


OM MANI PADME HU


3) A BUNCHA HIPPIES IN AN ETHNIC POTPOURRI KNOWN AS 'THAT COCA-COLA CHRISTMAS TREE COMMERCIAL'

It's hard to see, but those hippies are not only in a Rachel Getting Married-esque multi-culti melting pot of love, they are actually pretty HOT. But most importantly, they are singing a beautiful song that harkens the sentiment of our great nation in the seventies, when we were healing ourselves from a pointless war in Iraq Vietnam and learning to love each other (racially) just a little bit more each day.


AUM SHANTI SHANTI


for PM Lawn (mower)