Hey! I miss you guys.Where you been? How are you? Why don't we start chatting in the comments section again? These are happy, happy times and I feel like we need to bro down about it a little. I have a new job that I LOVE, but I haven't had any personal time to blog, write for Huffington or StreetCarnage, or do anything interesting really.

I miss writing, but when you sit in front of a computer all day its hard to come home at night and do it some more. I prefer to have a glass of wine in my backyard with my friends before 7pm. My house is never empty, ever! On the weekends I want to be outside in the sun. At night I want to be laughing and kissing and staring into someone (in particular's) face who has very pleasant bone structure and an acute ability to make brilliant observations about very unremarkable things. The very last way I want to spend my time is hanging out with my computer. But not tonight motherfuckers!

Meantime, I did some stuff last month. In San Francisco I met up with Jerry and April at the Opening Ceremony party to celebrate the launch of their collaboration with Levi's (rad promo video). Humberto and Carol were hosting, Leo DJ'd. I see Humberto more in other cities- LA, TOKYO and SF- than I do when I'm in New York. Humberto what happened to my Chloe poster HINT HINT??


My good friend Liz (nice hair- see below)

Michael looking daps

Carol and Humberto requested this very cute band Wallpaper to play but the Levi's people booked everything, and whoever produced the event ended up hiring a band called Wallpaper. instead. Did you notice that Wallpaper. has a period at the end of their band name? Edgy! As it turns out, Wallpaper. is some kind of watered down R&B electro remix band from San Francisco who sing about "going big on the weekends" and dating models. They did covers of a few club hits, so it was right up Jerry's alley of course (remember when he took me to a 90s hip-hop club in downtown San Jose for serious)? Feast your eyes on the lead singer:


Wallet chain, oversized collar, sunglasses at night, and a fedora. What's left? There's nothing left for him to murder.

He did these haaarrible comedy bits in between songs about subjects like Mike "The Situation." I believe he called Mike a chump, followed by "AMIRITE AMIRITE" and some very self-satisfied laughter. I am not joking here. HE'S REALLY REAL Y'ALL

cute girl

Sean aka P-Bear was there. Look at those matching facial expressions! They didn't even coordinate beforehand so I'm assuming this is an Asian thing? Anyone know about this?

After the party they took us to Bourbon & Branch in the Tenderloin. There was a private room in back, which we entered through a door disguised as a bookshelf. Push a book = OPEN SESAME. I love anything that reminds me of a hokey 80s horror comedy movie.

We went from the Hemlock to EL FAROLITO- best Mexican food in SF. Do not let anyone tell you it's Poncho Villa. El Farolito wins hands down!

And now we are magically at SXSW. 

I worked most of the time I was there except for the last night at the Levi's Fader Fort, which turned out to be the most fun. There was lots of dancing and laughing that night. Also, Budweiser. 

I probably saw 30 bands in total. Went to too many fun parties and saw too many friends to mention, but all I can tell you is that next year I'm going for exactly 3 days and I'm going to avoid 6th Street as much as possible. It's vomitous.

Oh nothing just watching Cherie Currie from The Runaways carve a fuckin tree into chainsaw art*

* the term "art" is being used loosely, as her piece was a denim jacket. Her creative allowances were dictated by Levi's money. Why is Levi's such a large part of my post? Levi's please send me money. I get 1200-1800 hits/day which is worth like $5.00. Thank you.

This is The Drums. Apparently all of my male friends hate them, but I swooned and danced. They have an amazing stage presence and they were dressed like tiny Morriseys, so they win.

This is Yelawolf and this dude is a STAR. He's an Alabama-style rapper from New York. Or something. I have no idea what I'm talking about. All I know is that I freaked. Genuinely freaked. Quietly, on the inside. You neeeeeeed to see him live.


Hi Peter! Pete's one of the funniest, most curmudgeon-y guys I know. He was the most gracious host at SXSW. Let's make him friendship bracelets and send along with purple buds and Garfield bongs to:

Fader Magazine
71 West 23rd Street
New York, NY 10010

Not 10 minutes after this photo was taken we were having an impromptu dance party that went on into the night (and by into the night I mean 11:45pm, because we're 48?). I have a personality crush on Pete's staff. Sam you adorable bearded manfish I love you! Schnipper you need your own talk show.

Moving along...

I had to go to a work function while I was there- Stereogum's showcase/party. I LOVE Stereogum and Videogum (editorial crush on Videogum) and I'm p-retty stoked that we're under the same umbrella. I actually work with a huge bunch of smart man-editors like Jeff Leeds and Alex Blagg. ANYHOW. My pals Chelsea Peretti and Eugene Mirman and Kristen Schaal performed. Afterward we went to Eugene's favorite BBQ place in Austin. I can't remember what it was called or where it was, but that shit was DELISHAASSSS. Best BBQ I've had in my life, no joke. Then I dragged them to the Fader Fort where they filmed this:

And saw these performances, among others:

Fool's Gold


I rode a bike around and had business-y business meals at the Driscoll Hotel and Eddy V's Steakhouse. Went to the Four Seasons and the Diesel House for after parties. Saw Chris Roberts, who was once my assistant at Vice. I was soooo mean to him, poor thing. Now he runs Vice Records and is a real peach of a guy. So nice! HI CHRIS!!! Mostly hung with Aska, Dexter and Jeylan the whole time. We saw MUSE and went to the Green Label Sounds party which was extremely fun (HI JESSE!) and basically met 8,000 guys who offered us free sex. So kind.

The weirdest thing that happened to us was when Dex dragged us to some Smooth Jazz and R&B party at a fancy house/venue(?) where everyone was a 45-year old black man in pleated pants and silk paisley shirts from 1990. We somehow hung out with Woody Harrelson and Matthew McConaughey, which made sense since I am positive there were some lonely bongos just waiting for those two to strip down nekkid, do some newd yoga and let their frank-n-beans hang out on the carpet while they bongo'd. Honestly WHAT THE FUUUUUCK. PS- lots of cheesy cocktails and many, many candelabras everywhere.

Anyhow, sorry I don't have more pics of cute girls wearing cute clothes, celebrities, or pals. To make up for it, here are some photos of my gorgeous, sweet little niece Lindsey who let me stay at her place while I was there:

 Thanks Linds! See you on Uncle Herb's boat this summer!

Love you,