The Force Has Been Awokened and Suchness

The Wolfpack x Star Wars: Dave, Eddie, me, Megan, and Mukunda (as Darth Vader), who made his costume entirely out of cardboard and tape. Check out his costumes and movie artwork in Vogue!

Star Wars has not only awakened The Force, but after years of dormancy, it has awakened my need to write about it. Blogging makes me feel like a little ol' granny trying to reach out on Facebook, so please get me on your nerdy Episode VII group texts ASAP.

As a Star Wars lifer, I loved this film. Not because it was better than the original trilogy, but because it brought me back to it. This is an important feeling for early fans who lost their passion for the legacy after The Phantom Menace. The storyline was simplistic and there were some hokey moments, but I appreciate how this film echoed it's own roots. Some of my friends have complained about the script being lazy, but George Lucas went so off plot through four convoluted and poorly cast films, it's relieving to see JJ Abrams take control and get the franchise back on track. I respect and worship George Lucas, but once Jar Jar Binks hit the screen, the world realized he was in over his head. Jar Jar holds steady as the all-time worst character in film history, although Mad Max's Guitar Flamethrower dude is definitely sizzling on the scene (sidenote: everyone involved in the creation of that character should be forced to attend a job fair to find a new career path). ANYHOW!

My thoughts on The Force Awakens (SPOILERS):

FINN - I was happy to see a black lead character and I'm curious about his future, but unfortunately I didn't feel connected to Finn at all. He was a wee tad too puppy-like for my taste. However, I anticipated him replacing Luke Skywalker, so preemptively overhyping his role is the primary reason for my disappointment. Nonetheless, I can't help but anticipate him somehow replacing Han Solo in the next film, so I'll just be over here gearing up for another let down.

THE BAR SCENE - I wish the filmmakers had spent more time in the bar on Jakku. It made me really miss Mos Eisley and Tatooine. The locals at Ergel's bar (the featured tavern in Cratertown) should have had one more minute of screen time. Not just for extra chuckles, but to showcase the innovation of Industrial Light & Magic's creature department. However, there was an Easter Egg for us Mos Eisley groupies, including a cameo of the original jazz band, Figran D'an & The Modal Nodes from Episode IV: in A New Hope.

MAZ KANATA - I know this is extremely shallow because Lupita N'yongo is an astute actress and role model, but why did JJ Abrams waste her gorgeousness on an ET-looking-ass barkeep who - no big deal - has Luke Motherfucking Skywalker's light saber laying around in an unlocked box? That's like leaving the One Ring in a file cabinet in the manager's office at a Dave & Busters. IT'S PRECIOUS, Y'ALL. Also, Maz is just an off-brand Yoda the way Jakku is an off-brand Tatooine. On a lighter note, I appreciated the diversity of this film. They were able to create a range of backgrounds for characters without making it a racist shitshow (coughcough The Phantom Menace).

STARKILLER BASE - Creating a new Death Star seemed redundant, but I did love the Nazi scenery of the First Order's militia. I keep forgetting to ask more knowledgable pals about the necessity of an ice planet, so please weigh in!

REY - Daisy Ridley, the actress who played Rey, was strong all around. Her character had a nice mix of Leia's courage, Luke's sensitivity, and Han's snark, but she was an intelligent warrior with her own style. I found her pretty compelling as a female protagonist and I think she will carry the series, no sweat. Can't wait to see her in the next chapter.

FASHION - The wardrobe was insahhhnely good. I'd wear almost anything seen on screen, male or female, Finn's leathers in particular. Here's a good interview about the costume designer's thought process when creating the wardrobe. Aside from dressing General Leia as someone's aunt who breeds Golden Retrievers in Maine, I felt the film was respectful of the legacy of Star Wars fashion.

THE LIGHTSABER - I found Kylo Ren's two sided saber superfluous and off-putting. The lightsaber is a sacred icon that should not be altered. However, Kylo's silken mane really transformed dorky Adam Driver into a smoldering pony, amirite?


HAN, R2D2, C3PO, LUKE, LEIA (in that order) - I didn't expect it, but I got pretty ferklempt seeing my childhood friends appear on screen. The Empire Strikes Back was the first movie I saw in a theater; my cousin Dalton took me to see it in Times Square, and even though I couldn't really follow the plot at such a young age, I remember being awed. I fell in love with Yoda immediately and was genuinely scared of Darth Vader. We didn't have spaceships and creatures like that before Star Wars. The Rebels were my very first heroes outside of Piggy and Kermy, so every time a vintage character appeared in The Force Awakens, I cheered and clapped along with the UA Sheepshead Bay IMAX audience. D and I kept side-hugging and holding hands, and I could hear Megan squealing 6 seats over. It was definitely a highlight of the experience.

POE DAMARIN - After watching Ex-Machina, I simultaneously added Oscar Isaac into both my Greatest Actors and Would Definitely F lists. However, he has surpassed all canon and moved into a very important role formerly occupied by Jason Mantzoukas and James MacAvoy: Poe Damarin is officially my TOP DUDEFISH. This means I will think about him at inappropriate times. Hope I meet him at a dinner party and he wifes me. Will keep you posted x

Hey Y'all

Hi everyone-

It's been awhile since I've written anything here and I'm feeling kind of rusty. I used to love this thing and couldn't wait to come home from work and write, but now it seems pointless. There are a few reasons why:

1) I don't have much free time to write due to working for an extremely busy person.

2) I love my job so much I'm kind of obsessed with it and don't really want to distract myself. This blog could potentially be a huge time burglar.

3) I no longer live in New York City during the ever-burgeoning artistic era of Lower East Side creativity that has since been completely annihilated by yada yada rich assholes yada gentrification yada.... I live an ideal life out here in boring old Los Angeles, which I'm grateful for, but it's not exactly the most inspiring city. It's no pre-9/11 Manhattan.

4) I'm happy and I can't write when I'm happy. I don't know why this is true, all I know is that whenever things are rough I am better at articulating myself.

5) No one blogs anymore. Blogging is for people in their 20's who are defining themselves, or people in their 50's who are reinventing themselves. That said, I'm definitely going to have an old lady blog someday, mostly about my all-female ragtime band, Pickleback.

Anyhow. Here is the last reason I'm not writing here anymore:**

6) I'm turning this blog into a podcast! I'm really excited about it. Stay tuned for Everything Is Annoying.



** I'm definitely going to continue writing here. To skip the reading and go straight to my daily complaints, follow me on Twitter. I love Twitter. 

Mom Quotes by Aviva Yael

I recently visited my mom in New Orleans (my hometown, born and raised). We had a fun visit that mostly consisted of going out to eat at all my favorite spots. If you ever go to New Orleans, ask me where to eat, drink, and dance. Anyhow, as usual my mom shared her special brand of advice and opinions. I collected some of her more seminal phrases. Below are a few killer classics:

We drove past a giant building that was under construction.
Mom: (Gasp) "They're building a modern extravaganza!"

Me: "I can't believe dad smokes pot"
Mom: "Oh honey he's what they call a doper." 

Me: "Why do you have so many cookies in your house?"
Mom: "Because I'm a junkie"

"Button it"

"Oh please, he's so full of shit I don't know how he can walk"


"He's kind as can be, but ugly as sin"

"Maybe it's time you start looking into freezing your eggs"

Thanks for making me mom! I love you!

What's your favorite mom quote?

Freak City

Hi friends-

Been awhile! I haven't had much to say in long form, but if you want to know what I'm up to these days, my boos Twitter and Instagram got all you need. In the meantime, here is a short piece I directed for Pharrell's i am OTHER channel for our HYPEBEAST series about one of my favorite spots in LA, Freak City. I love the owners Justin Time and Vally Girl, and am happy to be able to tell my friends exactly WHAT Freak City is with just a link. Enjoy!

Thank you my crew Erik Lang, Jacqueline Di Milia, Bethany Gould, Gabriel Stanley, and Basak Alemdag.

Pulling it Together

Please enjoy this podcast in which Amanda Savage interviews me about 

burning topics like:

- why I'm obsessed with Tinder
- the age old debate: WASPs vs. JAPs
- my most embarrassing story ever. 

Click the link below to download the iTunes podcast:

PULLING IT TOGETHER with Amanda Savage, Episode 8: AVIVA YAEL

This old photo of me saluting like a Corporal Asshole is part of my most embarrassing story. Listen to the podcast to find out more.

I also share some tips on social networking, which eBay posted on The Inside Source:



xo Aviva

My Worst Date Ever

This is a repost of my favorite bad date story, originally posted 7/7/11

This song will never die. I'll be an old lady rocking back and forth in my rocking chair on the front porch (I live in the South somewhere?) and I'll tell my son to "crank this shit up." Probably more likely I'll be soothing my teeth between prolonged sips from a Bourbon lemonade, swirling regrets and theophanies into the thick root of a lowball. Sorry I said "theophanies." Just trying it out. Whaddya think? It's probably the worst, but I'm listless these days. Using new words is about as edgy as I get. I'm still waiting for the right moment to casually drop "excoriate" without losing friends.

One time I went on a date with a guy who lived, ate and drank on the Upper East Side. We'll just call him "Harvard Sweatshirt." A snowstorm hit and neither of us wanted to walk three long avenues to the train, so we went back to his immaculate, book-laden apartment. I pulled a copy of "Pockets Full of Chomsky" from his shelf and told him how I'd gifted the series to someone that very morning. His sweatshirt then asked me to "translate complex passages" chosen by him into what I think they mean in layman's terms. You know, because I was a fucking idiot who went to UCLA and couldn't possibly grasp or dissect Chomsky's philosophy.

The degradation sobered me up instantly. I was being hazed. Apparently my ability to break down the assigned excerpts into tiny little pieces at 2am and still look pretty must have been all that he was looking for, for that night anyhow, because suddenly I was "this" and "that" and "more things you want to hear from someone who you're attracted to."

It was freezing, there was a blizzard outside, and the trains were running on holiday service, but I walked three long avenues, transferred trains, and followed the East River home til I could get back to my bed in Williamsburg by 5am.

I don't have that kind of pride anymore.

He's BAAAaaaack...

I can't design clothing. I can't sew. I can't sketch, or even visualize myself in new clothing until I've tried it on. I have very few talents and the ones I have are pretty common:

- Cooking

- Cleaning (I'm legitimately into

perfecting sanitization processes


- Coming up with brain-altering hashtags for my Instagram photos

Thus, it's neither fair nor kind of me to criticize someone else's craft, but "fashion" "designer" "Jeremy" "Scott" has pushed me over the edge with his new collection this season.

Scott, known for his

elegant taste


ethereal musings

 has a new collection that looks like it was designed for the wait staff at that defunct tourist trap Martian Bar in Times Square. I think he was going for more of an 80's-does-50's camp feel a la

Mars Attacks

, with re-re-re-hashed

Trash & Vaudeville

patent-leather-zippered throwbacks, but that sounds way cooler than anything that hit the runway:

Spring/Summer '14 - Jeremy Scott Hates Women's Bodies, Evidence A, B, and C

This collection wasn't as offensive as past seasons, and I'd rock some of the one-piece maillots, but... 


I mean, it's CRAZY you guys. We are like battered wives. We're too scared to say it out loud because everyone's "friends" with him and he throws the best Coachella parties, but w

e don't need to live in fear anymore! 


There are others who feel the same way you do, who are trapped in a

Boom Boom Room

-sized pressure cooker filled with social climbers and fashion people just as desperate and full of shit as you are. Maybe if we all come out of the JS closet at once no one will notice, like bum-rushing a police barricade.

Let us not forget how he outdid himself with the S/S12 runway presentation, a veritable bounty of 

Cross Colors-meets-Pee-Wee's Playhouse couture

. I was so moved 

I wrote about it

. Here, I put together a Quick View of my three favorite looks:

Spring/Summer '12 - Those assless chaps shorts are sizzling on the scene

I know he's hustled for a decade to become a signature part of NYFW and I definitely respect the work ethic, but

 I've never seen anyone wear his clothing who I know doesn't get it for free. Maybe his

Adidas collaborations

offset the cost of production on his line, but I suspect he has a rich old benefactor in Paris who underwrites it all. If anyone knows, please holler at me in the comments or email me. On the bright side,

 he has a

cool website

and it doesn't look like he

ripped off any legendary skate brands

this season. 

I haven't seen any reviews yet so I'll look tomorrow and update you on the consensus, but in the meantime please share your thoughts in the comments.

UPDATE 9/12/13 9:30am PST:

As usual, critics are raving about him again, too scared to call a spade a spade. The

LA Times

just referenced Mars Attacks and says "

this collection combines the rebellious spirit of '50s-era youth with a future-past Space Age aesthetic to create a range of pieces perfect for the planet-hopping retro-rebel set." 

Really? Is it?

Look What You Did

Hi Everyone!!

I just got back from the AIDS/Lifecycle ride this weekend and I wanted to let you know it was the experience of a lifetime. I am totally inspired and feel different about my priorities, particularly in regards to helping other people. It was mentally, physically and even spiritually challenging but it was a very special week. Sorry if that sounds corny as hell, but it's true. I just wanted to thank you for being part of this and helping me raise enough money to have this opportunity.

This year the ALC broke it's record: 2,200 riders fundraised $14.2 MILLION to help AIDS research and to help rehabilitate people living with HIV and AIDS. Babies, families, and elderly folks included. People who have no health insurance because they either can't afford it or have lost their jobs and even homes because they became sick and ran out of money are being saved by your donations. I know because I was riding next to many of them. It is an incredibly rewarding experience to meet the very people who are benefitting from your cause. They thank you and I thank you. It's important you know exactly where the money you gave to the ALC went, and you should be proud of yourself for making a difference in these people's lives. 

I hope you enjoyed my Instagram photos (it was hard to find power for my cell to post a lot of photos, but I'll be posting more this week). Thank you again - you've been great friends to me!

If you ever consider doing the ride yourself next year please let me know. It's fully achievable, trust me!

xo Aviva

Thank you!

Thanks to you I've successfully raised the $3000. I needed to be able to participate in the

550-mile AIDS Ride

on June 2nd! I'm so excited, grateful, and personally moved by the amount of support and effort you guys have put into helping me make this long-time goal happen.

If you would still like to support me but couldn't donate before I met my goal, you can donate to a separate PayPal fundraiser I've set up, which will go directly toward next year's fund by clicking this:

Please click that Paypal button in the upper right corner of this here blog. There is also an article entitled "

Science Proves Women Love a Big Ol' D

" right after this post for you to read as an added bonus (or loss, depending on your favorite penis size).

Thank you so much guys and sorry for the campaigning but it really does mean a lot! 

xoxo Aviva

Science Proves Women Love a Big Ol' D

Big ol' D's have been historically celebrated through art and architecture as a symbol of virility and procreation. Our society obsesses over BOD's in comedy, literature, advertising, music, movies, sports, pop culture and fashion. Science has finally confirmed what we all already know to be the most true truth in the history of trueness:

The study was conducted by a panel of male scientists who may or may not have tiny penises. I wonder how much this study in obviousness cost researchers at the University of Georgia? 

If you weren't blessed with a giant you-know-what, there's nothing you can do about it so just try not to worry. If you make us laugh and want to make rad babies with you, it doesn't really matter. So let's all pretend we are all gorgeous and perfect and keep on bonin'.

Home Stretch


Hello friends and family-


I want to thank all of you who have generously donated to my AIDS Ride fundraiser. I am only $500. from my goal now and completely on track to meet the $3000. mark within the next two weeks thanks to you!

As difficult as it has been to raise this money, I have to say that being this close has motivated me both physically and mentally. Thank you for encouraging me and keeping me on track. If you haven't already donated please click the link below for my fundraising page and updates:

I also want to let you know that I am dedicating my ride to my stepmom Anne who did this ride on her 50th birthday after the passing of her daughter and my sister Natacha. I can't wait to do this ride and make your kindness, your donations, and your moral support pay off. Thank you guys!

xo Aviva

You're Making My Dreams Come True


Since my last post 3 days ago you guys have helped me reach 50% of my fundraising goal! Your amazing 
generosity not only proves to me that people still care about things other than the Real Housewives of 
Beverly Hills Reunion Episodes (not that there is much else to care about), but it has completely reinvigorated me 

I was feeling a little discouraged. My team dropped out, I hadn't raised much money, the cost of a proper new bike, 
gear, and equipment are high and not included in the fundraising, and my training hasn't been good enough until 
recently. After seeing an outpouring of donations and friends offering to donate art, clothes and other things to help 
me hold a fundraising party, I feel inspired again and I would do this ride alone no matter what. Camping with 
thousands of strangers from all over the world even though I hate camping? NO PROBLEM. Being out of my 
physical and mental element? NO PROBLEM. Worrying about taking a week off from my regular job and clients? 
OKAY SLIGHT PROBLEM because I don't like taking time off. But it's all going to be worth it once I'm on that 
beautiful ride with all those goal-driven people.

I will be shouting out my supporters from the road on Instagram and sending postcards to each of you along the way, 
so if you haven't donated yet drop a few bucks on my page and join me on my journey! As a preliminary thank you, 
here is a cute cute cute cute cute cute cute CUTE thank you gerbil-hamster (what is it?):

Thank you to my supporters:

Alex 2/Tone
Jennifer Brandt & Nic Taylor
Rich Awn (see you on the ride Rich!)
Matt Lenski
David Cross
Ilona Klaver
Jessie Mann
Nelleke McCowan
Kate Carraway
Suzy and Coady Willis (who gave me $69.69 because they are perverts!)
Chevonne Moore
Mark Aguilar
The O'Niells
Delia Sweeney
Julia Dimon
Shay Neilsen
Ann Heche and the Heche Family
April Jones
Keeli Shaw
Jeremy & Danika Sirota
Nick Stern
Tracy Stewart
Michael Lavoilette
Alex Yenni
Elliot Aranow
Rudj Escobar
Nancy Kagan
Mollie Culligan
Sarah Soquel Morhaim
Kasey Price
Ellisah Gennello
Andrew Bangs
Avril Lang

I love you guys. Thank you SO MUCH!

We're getting closer!

Hey guys! 

I am chugging along in my training for the AIDS ride which is now only 2 months away. I am excited to tell you that 
I have already reached 22% of my fundraising goal that I need to reach in order to participate! A lot of you have 
already donated and THANK YOU SO MUCH for doing so - your support not only encourages me personally, but it's 
helping to cure BABY AIDS N STUFF and save people's lives. Don't you want to cure BABY AIDS? Don't be a baby 
killer! (jokes etc etc more jokes etc)

Anyhow, I can really use your support with as little as a $10.00 donation. And of course if you are in LA, please join 
me for one of the beautiful long coastal rides in Malibu or to from the San Gabriel Mountains to Seal Beach on the 
weekends as part of my training.

I have a long way to go for fundraising and I'm going to start being very proactive about it for the next two months.
The sooner I raise the $3000. to join, the sooner I can stop posting about this ride and get down to the fun stuff, which
includes shouting out all of my supporters from the road and sending you postcards. Thank you all for your support so far!

Love you all!

xo Aviva

Bout That Life

I've immortalized my friends. Biggest ballers in the game

Matt Lenski

Carrie Imberman

Marguerite Wade

 Andre Razo

 Yours Truly

 Matt Murphy


 Niles Roth

 Baby Lucia

Let's Do This!

Hello, Readers! I have some juicy new posts coming up, but I wanted to let you know about something very important. This June, I’m embarking on a trip from San Francisco to Los Angeles entirely by bicycle. This will be my first year participating in the AIDS/LifeCycle, a ride that raises money and awareness for HIV/AIDS prevention and I am very excited!

This is going to be my first attempt at serious fundraising, as I have to raise a minimum of $3000. to be able to participate in the ride and I need your help getting me there! Plus, your donation will directly improve the lives of others. 

The funds we raise together will be going to the San Francisco AIDS FoundationThe AIDS Foundation provides free healthcare and low-cost medication to people who have the virus. Your gift will help do outreach in poor communities, communities of color, and help spread prevention awareness about HIV. This is a very good thing we can do together!


If you click on any of those adorable piggies, you will be linked directly to my donation page! The minimum donation is just $5.00, but I know money is tight for many people, so if you can't donate, please spread this link on Twitter or Facebook and share it with your friends. It's just as meaningful to me. 

Another way you can help is by joining our team! 

The ride is one week long and is an average of 80 miles per day. We will stay in camps provided by the AIDS Lifecycle Foundation and (delicious) meals are provided throughout the entire ride. Also, if you HATE public restrooms and port-o-potties like I do, you'll be happy to know that the AIDS ride has some of the cleanest facilities on the planned routes you can ever hope for. A Germaphobe's dream! And you'll be riding through some of California's most coveted scenery. You can read more about the route HERE.

If you are interested in joining, please let me know in the comments. As a pre-thank you for either donating, spreading the word, or just quietly hoping that I reach my fundraising goal, here is an awesome Internet cat and my boyfriend Ron Swanson:

I will keep you posted on my progress and will post occasional pics of our rides and recipes at 

xx Aviva